


Rebrand

by MrProphet



Category: Think the Unthinkable, Warhammer 40.000
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-16
Updated: 2014-04-16
Packaged: 2018-01-19 14:41:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1473496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrProphet/pseuds/MrProphet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Think the Unthinkable belongs to the BBC, Warhammer 40,000 to Games Workshop.</p></blockquote>





	Rebrand

The basic package delivered by Unthinkable Solutions was considered sound, and the name ‘Astra Militarum’ embraced by many who felt that a good, solid High Gothic epithet made for a more professional sounding outfit than the Low Gothic ‘Imperial Guard’, and most of those who might have felt slighted by the loss of the Emperor’s specific endorsement were mollified somewhat by the fact that they didn’t actually speak high Gothic. The only suggestion to be better received by the Lord Generals attending the three day ‘corporate realignment seminar’ was ‘Caestus Imperator’, but a personal message of umbrage from Chapter Master Vorn Hagen of the Imperial Fists put paid to that.

The first consultant, Ryan, had lost many with his opening speech – “A rebrand is a time of chaos, which we’re here to draw together in a swirling vortex and provide a fresh eye to pick out the best parts, so think of me as the eye of chaos.” – and Daisy’s meditation session had bordered on heresy. Fortunately, the later consultation sessions had been led by Sophie Stott, whom Lord General Bern had likened to ‘a Sister of Battle without the fun’, and her workshops had been much better received.

There were problems of course, and as always the devil was in the details.

It was suggested that the image of the Guard was out of date after a survey of three hundred inhabited Imperial worlds showed that the keywords most associated with the force were: ‘incompetence’, ‘summary execution’ and ‘tanks’.

With little notion of how to address the first problem, Unthinkable Solutions gunned hard for the other two. Focusing on the role of the Commissariat in fostering the perception of the Guard as a ruthlessly disciplinarian force who sacrificed their own officer class in the name of order, they drew up a proposal to scrap the entire office and replace it with a ‘diligence liaison consultancy’ operating a rolling programme of workshops to engender a vital sense of institutional loyalty.

In the latter case, the changes suggested were more sweeping, including the decommissioning of more than two thirds of the Guard’s armoured strength in favour of a more ‘people oriented’ force, the conversion of the pool of Chimaeras into open-topped ‘party wagons’. Aspects of Guard training relating to the defunct vehicle pool would be replaced with ‘people skills’ and presentational modules, enabling the new Astra Militarum to put itself forward as the open and approachable face of the implacable Imperial military machine.

**Author's Note:**

> Think the Unthinkable belongs to the BBC, Warhammer 40,000 to Games Workshop.


End file.
